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DESPERATE RESPECTABLES | 2005-03-12

Respectable Conservatives are like feminine, secular Muslims. They are an oxymoron. They like to talk big and look tough, but are whimpering cowards.

Respectables are like the Tom turkey I saw recently. He is a well-fed, domesticated pet. When spring approaches, he begins to puff up to show off his plumage to the non-existent female turkeys. He can't help himself.

He usually gets a special treat at feeding time, a few nuggets of dog food. But this time of year, when the tasty bits are thrown down, he starts to puff out his feathers before he can bend down to get the food. The chickens then swoop in to grab them.

When the time comes for someone to make a tough political stand, respectables puff up like Tom turkey to show off their "colors." They do this to show off for some imaginary audience. They can't help themselves.

Of course, they never achieve anything, and allow the neocon chicken hawks to swoop in and grab the initiative away from them.

That is why the neocons are running the country and the respectables are, as usual, acting like a bunch of turkeys.