THE ROBERT W. WHITAKER ARCHIVE

BIRDS OF A DIFFERENT FEATHER | 2005-02-05

"Respectable" preachers don't often preach out of raised pulpits with eagles anymore. They must sense that even their stupefied congregations would notice that irony. They usually run around on a platform, or even out into the congregation. Like respectable conservatives, they don't want to be held down or compared to a real standard.

A modern "respectable" pulpit should be designed like a canary cage. Canaries were used by miners to detect the presence of dangerous gases down in mine shafts. The slightest presence of carbon monoxide would cause the canary to sway on its perch before falling.

Modern day "respectable" preachers don't sound the trumpet. But they do sway and faint at the slightest hint of distress. This is just like the respectable conservative. You can't learn anything by what they say, but by watching them closely, you can learn a lot.