THE ROBERT W. WHITAKER ARCHIVE

TO BE RESPECTABLE, A CONSERVATIVE HAS TO FORGET | 2004-03-13

You may say, "Well, we all understand that the liberal media would forget that little talk between Kerry and Edwards that took place before Edwards suddenly withdrew. But surely conservatives would bring it up?

No way. You have to understand how respectable conservatives act.

If you want to get paid to be conservative political commentator you have to religiously obey certain rules. Liberals decide which conservative gets the "respectable" label, and no conservative can be on the paid talk shows if he does not have that "respectable" stamp on him.

One rule everyone who wants to get paid to be a professional conservative talker has to obey is the "Don't be a damned fool" rule.

When a liberal says he is worried about prison overcrowding, you are not allowed to say, "Good God, man, you mean you want those animals out on the streets killing people because they don't have enough leg room?" You have to keep a straight face and argue with the liberal as if he had made a logical point that only his Idealism forces him to make.

You will never hear any conservative who gets paid to be on television say a liberal is a damned fool. No matter how ridiculous the statement a liberal makes is, no one is allowed to laugh at him.

What if a conservative said, "Look, Kerry had a private talk with Edwards and Edwards dropped out. What kind of idiot wouldn't know what the talk was about?"

That would violate the "Don't be a damned fool" rule. The conservative who said that would suddenly be labeled anaziwhowantstokillsixmillionjews. He would be condemned as "simplistic."

In short, he would be ruined.